I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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