I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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