Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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