she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
