Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
