so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
