I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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