rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
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