Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
She's the barista slut.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
They have beer where we have blood.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
