mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
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Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
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If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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