i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
