You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
