This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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