Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
