Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
