is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
