I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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