Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more

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(803): View more from South Carolina

I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy

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(440): View more from Ohio

he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.

(603): View more from New Hampshire

Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast

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(714): View more from California

Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.

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(630): View more from Illinois

Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.

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