she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
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It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
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I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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