He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
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