I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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