he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
