I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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