you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
