I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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