You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
