Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
