Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
