I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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