You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
