apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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