I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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