theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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