'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
