You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
