did you get engaged???
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
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I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
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I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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