If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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