giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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