So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We left an ass print on the piano.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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