Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
