this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
