Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
