the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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