I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
