I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
she smelled like a LAN party
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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