is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
