Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
