The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
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I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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