We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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