sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
