And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
