um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
