So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
