Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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