Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list