You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.