Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
they're reeeeeally big trays
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything