I want to make a zoo with you.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.