I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...