I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I need a burrito and a hug.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.