Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize