The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
