wrigley field is MILF paradise
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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