God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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