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And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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