I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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