youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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