Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
