Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
In America we eat man semen.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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